WOW!

I feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train. The one overwhelming “Reality” challenge I’ve been trying to resolve for years now, which has intensified dramatically in the last three months, has been the impossibility I feel to find place in my days and weeks to address too many obligations and imperatives that are everpresent in my consciousness. I feel like I am juggling far too many balls then I can conceivably handle.

My priority as I’ve defined it (and which I have been struggling with) must be 1) finding space in the week, and 2) mustering up the discipline in myself, to shoehorn into my life somehow some way to deal with these many demands.

Ironically the freight train that just hit me this week, Master Key Experience (MKE), which is the last thing I want right now, on one level, appears to be the first thing I need! And it’s been something I have been been waiting for: It demands my time, and accepts nothing less than dedication to building the discipline I desperately need to build habits grounded in an unshakeable commitment to an outcome—a dream.

Geesh! I could so easily plead that my first hours of the day are already super-overcrowded with pills and potions, meditations, routines with lights and wands and energy procedures all aimed at maintaining my health and clearing my body of “unhealthy cells”.

The end of the day too is an hour-plus, jammed with health-related procedures and a (failing) intention to establish a pattern of reading books every evening. I am aiming to begin this end-of-day process by 8 so that I can have lights out by 9:30 in order to have 7-8 hours sleep before rising at 5 am.

As a result, for most of Week 1, I have indulged in the hopeless “impossibility” of this regimen, which is now further compounded by having to adjust to major changes and demands currently taking place in my household that impact me and my time and focus directly. This has led to a recurrence—for the first time in sixty years!—of a crippling attack of pain in my lower back, which I learned all those years ago was unexpressed anger turning on me. I AM pissed!

HOWEVER . . .
in honouring the call to honesty that is part of MKE, while stressing that none of the above is over-stated, I must also recognize that, for months—years— instead of striving for the discipline I need, I have surrendered to (my admittedly) imagined “impossibility”of my challenges, and simply indulged for hours a day—far too many hours—in distractions, and daily news, losing myself in following internet and news stories.

It’s actually hard to admit to myself that I had already given up on my dream.

So while I am late gathering myself to addressing the demands of MKE this first week, this has been necessary for me to discover and realize the magnitude of this commitment MKE—I myself—is demanding of me, if I am truly going to come out on top.

I AM now committed, and have made my way through most of the introductory materials: the completed DMP and this blog, and look forward to being on top of the process by end m this second week.

Thank you!