Tasman Banks for The Voices of Southbury CT.
Posted Dec 9th 2029
When Howard Stern Spilled Coffee on my Mom, and Survived
An Unconventional Interview with Alissa Monteleone of Simply Good Thinking and the SAY HI Foundation with infamous Shock DJ, Howard Stern as witnessed by this local journalist who happens to be her son and fellow coffee lover.
Growing up with Alissa Monteleone as your mother prepares you for a lot of weird experiences. As a kid, she was always talking in funny voices and would make some unique outfit choices when it came to running errands around town. She had a knack for finding the funny in almost every situation and could make me smile despite my deepest determination to be upset. She never shied away from being her authentic self and that eventually led to her doing some amazing things that have helped a lot of people find their way to a life full of more smiles.
Recently she asked me to come and record an interview she had scheduled. She didn’t give a lot of detail but offered to buy me coffee while there and even take me out to dinner after. Knowing she raised a die-hard foodie; the deal was made.
I arrived at the coffee shop 15 minutes early and she was already sitting at a corner table. She signaled me over and handed me a large café mocha – my favorite. She was wearing her signature tee-shirt/blazer ensemble with her favorite necklace; a chunky piece of amber in an artistic silver setting that my dad had given her almost 30 years ago. As usual, she was smiling and her eyes were darting around the room, observing interactions, and looking to see who had a SAY HI conversation coaster on their table.
Suddenly a hush fell over the room and all eyes were on the front door. Howard Stern was in the building. Just as I was about to lean over and freak out to my mom; she stood up and waved him over. “I ordered you a peppermint ice tea, no ice.” Howard smiled and said, “Of course you did.”
He took my seat which I apparently had abandoned in an awestruck stupor. I pulled up another chair and turned on my recorder:
1. Stern: Wow, you look even better in person than you did on the cover of Fast Company. How do you do it?
Alissa: Ha. Well, first of all thanks. I think it has something to do with the amount of caffeine I consume which keeps my metabolism from falling asleep. Honestly, I believe in healthy moderation. I have a lot of work I still want to do so I do what I need to stay fit and keep up my energy.
2. Stern: It’s working so whatever you’re doing, keep it up! So, who’s the kid eavesdropping here?
Alissa: I have no idea. I’m kidding; he’s recording the interview for me for the local paper. Also, he’s my kid so try to keep it clean. He doesn’t need to know certain things about his mother, if you know what I mean (wink).
3. Stern: I heard that about you. You seem to have a way of creating circumstances that help you get what you want. Tell me, is that how you got your husband?
Alissa: Yup. It’s how I got my amazing husband, two terrific sons and an interview with Howard Stern.
4. Stern: Touché! But seriously, how does a woman who was literally selling groceries 5 years ago, become a word renowned facilitator; especially at 60 years old. I mean, let’s face it, you were kinda old to start a brand-new thing.
Alissa: Define “old.” I mean, my grandmothers lived to 95 and 103. When I started Simply Good Thinking at 55, I figured I had at least 30 working years ahead of me. I wanted to do something really exciting with that time. Up to this point I had done some cool things.
In the 90’s I was a band manager in Boston, I did PR for restaurants owned by, up and coming chefs like Jasper White, Lydia Shire, and Tony Ambros. I traveled the country alone for 3 months in a ’83 Honda Prelude and met amazing people from around the world… it was really fun!
Then I met my soulmate. I settled down and got married. I was already 34. I was 36 when we had our first son and we had our second 6 years later. If you do the math, I have been on a different time line than most people for a while.
So anyway, when I turned 55, I was ready for something more. My husband, encouraged me to start taking risks again. I went to a conference out in Santa Fe called “Dent.”
5. Stern: Dent? Was that like for old people with dented chassis looking to get some work done?
Alissa: I will say the average age was not 20, but no, Dent came from a Steve Jobs quote about putting a dent in the universe. You know, making a difference in the world. I have always wanted to do something to make the world a better place and selling groceries was not it.
6. Stern: Right. Well food is important and people eat so it has job security.
Alissa: I think having security is over rated. We seem to have been lulled into this idea that we need to be protected and feel safe all the time. Our society fears discomfort to a level that we avoid interactions, conversations and, honestly, I think a lot of people avoid living life. We’ve allowed ourselves to be fed only information that we agree with and like.
We don’t have to listen to a song we don’t like or even wait for a commercial to end before hearing the next one. We don’t have to leave our house for food, entertainment, or even work. It is having an impact on the way we see the world and how we experience life in detrimental way. That’s why I started the SAY HI foundation.
7. Stern: Well, a lot of people would say you think that way because you’re old. I mean, I am even older but I gotta tell you, that message coming from people like us is a tough sell.
Alissa: I don’t buy that Howard. We are social creatures. We thrive when we are interacting, sharing ideas and experiences. We are meant to be engaged in our existence; it is truly what makes life worth living. The key is practice. Having conversations, meeting people, and making friends are skills that can be taught and improved. SAY HI (Society and You, Human Interaction Foundation) is a movement to encourage people to get outside, look up from their phones and engage socially.
See this coaster? One side is green and the other is orange. Green means, a person is open to conversation and invites a stranger over to sit down and say hello. The orange side means the person prefers to focus on whatever they are doing. This café supports us as do hundreds around the world. We have pins, hats, t-shirts, and all kinds of swag that people wear to invite conversation. It’s heartwarming.
Our most recent win has been the adoption of our programs in schools. We started by running workshops and assemblies at schools and we just developed a curriculum that schools can teach on interpersonal communication. We train teachers and community leaders to find creative ways to not only provide the opportunity for kids to socialize, but also HOW to be successful at it.
5. Stern: The passion you have around this is palatable but it’s still kinda old school. Why don’t you embrace more technology and meet people where they are? With all the advances in AI we can create human like experiences without having the annoyances of dealing with people. I, for one, don’t really like people.
Alissa: Excuse me for a second. I am going to need more coffee…would you like more NOT iced, iced tea Howard?
At this point I could tell my mom needed a break. She is passionate about importance of keeping things human for the sake of humanity. She is driven by the phrase, “Human expression over Human perfection.” It is something that she fights on a regular basis. She knows it’s one of her hot topics and while she is a master communicator (literally. She is trained as a Super Communicator), she is human and this one gets her riled up. She returns with her coffee and as she sets it down, Howard gestures and spills hot coffee all over my mom’s foot.
6. Stern: Shit. I am so sorry. I am such an idiot. Are you okay???
Alissa: Howard, I am totally fine. I know that was the universe reminding me what matters. Here’s what I know; I love who I am, I love humanity and I love coffee. I want more from myself, more for humanity and I want more coffee. I will do what it takes to get all three.
She smiles and at that moment, a woman hands her a new cup of coffee. “I saw what happened and I just knew you needed that coffee as much as I do!” the woman said with a kind giggle. “Have a great afternoon” and with that she left. That’s how it goes with my mom. She puts good out into the universe and when she least expects it, it comes back to her in ways that have meaning to her, like a fresh cup of coffee.
7. Stern: Wow. Do you know her?
Alissa: Nope.
8. Stern: Okay. Let’s get off the age thing since that seems to get you all hot a bothered. Either that or maybe it’s Menopause. Either way, let’s talk about how you went from selling groceries to facilitating conversations at Fortune 500 companies and I heard you were just invited to the UN?
Alissa: Yes. It’s wild. The best part is that we are working through tough situations and solving big problems while having fun. It’s truly amazing to watch how human we can be when we let our guard down. Simply Good Thinking – my business – follows a framework that allows groups to break down complex problems and tense relationships through laughter and using pictures. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like kindergarten; although at the heart of it, Robert Fulghum was on to something when he said, “All I need to know I learned in Kindergarten.” When we embrace child like curiosity it frees us to be creative and, more importantly kind and joyful.
9. Stern: So, did this all just magically happen? You turn 55 and suddenly you have your dream career?
Alissa: I wish. Seriously, I wish for it and I work for it every day. 90% of it is developing a mindset and a subconscious vision, the other 10% is execution. I spent a year reframing how I lived. I joined the Master Key Experience with Davene and Mark Januszewski. In fact, I am a guide for them now.
They offer a unique program that empowers people to rewire their brain and become the best version of themselves at any age. They share age old wisdom backed by modern day science on how to leverage the subconscious mind to achieve greatness. It sounds woo woo to some people but I, along with thousands of others have reinvented themselves and are living our best lives.
10. Stern: So, you’re like Madonna but without the surgery.
Alissa: Exactly. I mean if I could sing, it may have gone down differently but yeah, I was caught up in my own acceptance of mediocracy. I was constantly frustrated but kept following the same patterns and expecting different results.
11. Stern: That is literally the definition of insanity.
Alissa: Oh, I am absolutely a little crazy, right Taz?
There was no right answer to this question so I simply laughed.
12. Stern: I will tell you that what you are saying is a bit wild but what you are doing is extraordinary, which tells me that there must be something to your approach.
Alissa: Being human is extraordinary. People have the capacity to do many great things and live joyful lives. We can do what we will to do. It’s about determining what you want out of life and working relentlessly to achieve it. If our intentions are to serve and do good in this world, the only thing stopping us is ourselves. I think you are proof of that Howard.
13. Stern: I don’t know about that. I have certainly lived a lot of life. I think, or at least I hope that I have evolved over the years and am now doing a bit of good to off-set some of the less good stuff in the past.
Alissa: The past is just that, the past. It’s all about what lies ahead.
5. Stern: Agreed. Well Alissa, it has been a great conversation and I am would love to keep in touch as you continue your journey of Human Expression.
Alissa: That sounds fantastic. Oh, and this is for you.
My mom hands Howard Stern a box of hand sanitizing wipes with a huge “SAY HI” sticker on the package. Howard smiles, puts out his hand to shake my moms and immediately opens the wipes, and says, “ totally worth the risk.”
