Our light
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us

How many times while growing up was I not only told to but made to, dim my light. I was always too much, too loud, too lively, too happy, too involved. The list goes on, but always too much. I now know people were jealous of my freedom. I didn’t know that.

I was only a child. I dimmed my light. I fit in. My cement grew, fast, thick and very, very hard. I spent the majority of my life second-guessing myself. I very rarely went with my initial gut reaction because it was too “much”……..

These last few weeks my gold has been put to the test. The old blueprint came back strong in physical form. Issues I had made peace with resurfaced. People I had let leave my life, re-entered. I do not like the energy they bring. I am very loyal and hate letting go of things I’ve worked hard at. I have worked hard at these “friendships”.

The only thing is, they aren’t and never were true. They came from a place where I was pushing my light way, way in under the bushel. They were never the relationships I was supposed to be in (or was I, were they predetermined for a life lesson?) I now need to let them go once and for all. They are not for my greater good, they are pulling me away from my Darma.

The thoughts swirling around in my head from the past, unresolved issues. The bear has been hugging that bloody kettle so hard the last few weeks that the burns are in radioactive proportions. I have used the law of forgiveness, the law of dual thought, the law of the universe and sod’s law.

They are being pushed. The comfort zone elastic is snapping. I need to reevaluate. The silence is badly needed even if that’s where all of this started. I am not in a position to do 3 days away just now; I need to wait until July. But I have been doing 8 hr long ones which means the quiet is able to hear all the chatter from the past but isn’t getting the opportunity to push through.

I think I have to just sit, not do the silence, even though I am more than ready for it, but for whatever reason the universe is saying,” not yet! You are needed here for a short time still and then it is yours”. Push through. You are in your 40 days in the desert. You can come through then for your reward, your silence. I wait. I practice patience.