Decapitated
It must be done… It ends here! With one swing of the mighty sword, the head rolled and vanished. Horrified I awakened shaking, short of breath, perspiration droplets falling from my brow.
I dreamed of my dad. He was in his 20s and we were in a luxurious restaurant. We were so excited to be there, to share, to experience this vibrant occasion. It was so beautiful!
Next Dad was in a struggle with a figure. “He has to die!”, he yelled, while holding down the figure of the man with one hand. Confused, disturbed and bewildered, I was desperately trying to stop him, to no avail.
Out of nowhere the sound, the “swoosh” of the blade, the “thump” of the head falling on the cold ground. No blood, no screams, just a lifeless body. “AAaaaaaaahhhhh”, the sound of my scream broke the silence of the night.
“Run dad! You´ll get caught! You´ll be punished! Quick run, please run dad,” I screamed.
“I won´t get caught and neither will you”, he exclaimed and disappeared. Perturbed I woke up and totally confused, I sat up on the bed, waited and calmed down.
For some strange reason my warrior chant came to mind… “I am whole, I am perfect, I am strong, I am powerful, I am healthy, I am harmonious, I am happy, I am happy, I am happy and I radiate love…”.
With full force, I got up and did my own version of the Haka Dance… stomping and clapping at the end: “I am whole, I am perfect, I am strong, I am powerful, I am healthy, I am harmonious, I am happy, I am happy, I am happy and I radiate love…”.
I went to the bathroom, came back. I sat on the side of the bed and inhaled deeply. I finally found my peace, did my BIT (bed-sit) and doze off into the light.
Flashbacks of the lifeless body haunted me for days. However, there was no fear in me. But I relived the beheading several times. It didn´t make sense, I don´t watch violent movies… I don´t even watch TV that much anymore.
Today, after talking to a friend, I figured it out. I “Googled” the meaning of “being decapitated” in dreams. One of the meanings I found was: “change or transformation”. They explained that “loosing” the head was synonymous of letting go of old “beliefs”. Can you believe that? AMAZING!
I got you… you little old $#%&! Ha! FINALLY! Yes, yes, yes!!! Yupppppiiiiiiiii! Ha, I got you! Ha! How brilliant of me to have my loving dad doing the honors!
And so, right here, in the middle of my living room, my own version of the “Haka” dance again: “I am whole, I am perfect, I am strong, I am powerful, I am healthy, I am harmonious, I am happy, I am happy, I am happy and I radiate love…”.
After all the ruckus, I sat down quietly… and ever so softly, it came to me: I have to die… yes, I HAVE TO DIE… my old self needs to die to become NEW and WHOLE.
It was time to let go. So, with full understanding I wrote: Thank you Subby, for all the life lessons. I would not be the person I am today, had it not been for you. In full faith, ever so humbly and gratefully, I Gisela, bid you “old beliefs” GOODBYE….
Thank you, dad, mom, siblings, friends and ancestors for your legacy… you did the best you could with what you had… but my interpretation of what I believed was what you wanted, no longer serves me. I now bid you farewell. You served me well… However, I must do it my way now.
I took the paper and burnt it…
Now, I rise to meet my new Gisela and go on my REAL journey…
