If you don’t know, now you know

When I turn away from self, I turn away from my God and my purpose. When I don’t check in with the gal in the glass, my love and respect for her diminishes.

When I think I have it all figured out I realize that I am just a vessel and that I can only truly Know when I am present and connected to the source and that I should consider myself lucky and grateful to answer a call that is bigger than myself.

I am aware now that I have a pattern of turning away when it gets too close. Like Marianne Williamson stated in her poem Our Deepest Fear “It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us”.

I’ve been so afraid that I will cease to exist because I don’t know how to be the person I’m called to be. Afraid of giving up total control. Afraid of the uncertainty. Afraid to hit the hard cold ground yet again.

I don’t know if I ever truly surrendered completely. Not since I was young and everything was new and full of possibility. But I’m different now. I’m older now.

And it seems crazy sometimes to release the person you were when She is the only one that you could ever truly count on. Especially for some future self that you barely know.

This is a full circle moment for me and I’m so grateful that I was able to do it here in the Master Key Experience (MKE). Apparently, I still have unanswered questions. What I thought I wanted is changing as I do. What I thought I knew is evaporating before my eyes.

I have become painfully aware that I still have work to do and this work requires my commitment for my lifetime. I must learn to value those cracks of light emerging as well as the hope of being completely free and unencumbered because there’s no one without the other.

I now understand on a different level why it is so important to celebrate those small victories. My new goal which trumps all others is to take solid steps every day and to find the joy in that. To make self-discovery my helm any maybe one day be totally free from the cement and ego and “shine, as children do.”

I now understand that my old consciousness made my goals for me. Although Id still love to have all of those things it was just not enough to live for. I attract my purpose to me by being and having awareness around my being. I need to become a better observer of myself and in general and I image that will be the journey that I will never quit.

Facing yourself is hard to do sometimes and I believe in grace but I also believe in accountability. The consequence of my actions, of turning away from my practices was a sadness and hopelessness that I am no longer willing to live with. When I picked my practices back up, every day has been better than the last.

So, I’ll be revisiting my PPN’s and DMP because I now know that if it’s not your true purpose you will be stopped dead in your tracks. Ending up confused, unmotivated and possibly ready to give up on yourself, especially if you don’t have support.

I don’t decide my purpose; I already am it. I am the very thing that I’ve been searching for. I always say that everyone needs this education. I will be sad when the class it ends. Growing pains are real and I’m so grateful for my weekly check-in on the webinar and for all the other members who make themselves vulnerable before the class.

I’m grateful for the all of the lessons that constantly increase my self knowledge and awareness about where I stand in this process of self-discovery. If one remains open, the mistakes become lessons. And you don’t have to do it alone. For this I am eternally grateful.

Peace and Blessings,

Lakia McCrae aka Alchemist Kia