Feels Good To Be Me

Well, I was fully in my stride feeling like I was getting everything done that needed to be done. I was getting all of my reads and sits in.

I’ve now gone from feeling like a bit of a superhero, to suddenly only getting in one read a day consistently (some times I get in two). I don’t even know how it happened. I have no idea how I went from getting it all done and feeling like a boss to where I am now.

The only thing that I had to catch up with was the shapes on the wall but now I find myself behind with blogs and reads too. The strange thing however is that I seem to be mentally going through my reads and my sit and I always do “I can be what I will to be” and “do it now” throughout the day.

It’s like everything is so well ingrained that I am doing them even though I’m not. Not that it’s an excuse because I know that isn’t what I’m meant to do but it is a strange feeling.

I also genuinely sometimes don’t know what I have done throughout the day as I get a weird deja vu. Is this my subby keeping me on track? Have I memorized it all in some part of my brain that I’m not quite aware of?

I easily memorize scripts quite quickly, probably in way less time that the time that I’ve spent with all of this material, so really, it’s not that far fetched to think that could be going on.

So anyway, I’m carrying on doing what I can do, not allowing myself to get particularly stressed about any of it. Knowing that the fact that, more often than not, I have MKE on my mind, means that at some level things are definitely changing.

I somehow feel more present in life and definitely feel more in control. Things that use to bother me now don’t. Even in times where I have got angry or annoyed I very quickly, as in within moments, lose the feeling and return to myself.

Situations that I would previously stew over for hours, days or even weeks, disappear from my mind and I don’t think of them again.

I’m enjoying this new me it feels really good being me right now.