I am enjoying the meditation although it is challenging. I really needed it, I used to meditate for 45 minutes for several years and also doing yoga for 90 minutes daily, somehow all those habits dropped off and it is good to take up the meditation again if only for 15 minutes a day. I feel it calms me down and helps me to reconnect with myself and somehow settle down a bit.
Sometimes during the meditation I want to move or think that maybe the timer is not working but for the most part I am finding it quite peaceful.
I am also adapting to the schedule of reading 3 times a day, and noticing while reading out loud how I have a tendency to lower my voice and somehow drop off. I find the texts good to read and notice that they help me to have a more positive outlook on life.
I am going through a challenging situation as I have been taking care of my family 24/7 for 7 years now. It started with my sister, my only sibling who was diagnosed with advanced cancer, I moved with her to my parents house to help them take care of her, she died 3 months afterwards.
Then I took care of my mom who died 14 month afterwards and then I took care of my dad whose mental state only got worse and worse until 1 month ago he got a place at a care home, he seems to be taken good care of there, I think he is going to die soon but for the moment he is Ok physically although mentally he is very far away.
So now I am in the process of cleaning out the house and figuring out what to do with the house, sell it or rent it ( it is in my moms and dads name so there is a lot of paperwork to deal with, also the house needs to be freshened up, it is quite deteriorated and I am no handy man),
I have no income, I used up my savings and time to help my family, received no help from any institution even when I asked for it until now that he got so bad after a stroke that after 2 months waiting (still without receiving any help) he got a place in a care home from here on, I have no idea where I want to be only that I do not want to be in this house anymore.
I would like to move to another country but I feel I have to be close to where my dad is. I am totally exhausted and trying to recuperate as best as I can.
I am looking forward for how my life will be like in 6 months from now.
From my experience, just doing the meditations as Hannel recommends changed my life. Be loyal to the exercises, soon the clarity and peace will come to you
What an incredible heart you have Benjamin, as a result I can see how tired you are. I am grateful you are here and that we share a tribe. Taking this time for you is so important. Much peace to you and look forward to being a witness to your journey.