Twenty-five years ago, a month shy of our second anniversary, my marriage teetered on the precipice. The chasm between us was vast, an unbridgeable expanse of incompatibility. He simmered with anger, I with quiet desperation. Trapped by a vow – “til death do us part” – I felt utterly powerless.
Escape came in the form of a family vacation to the mountains. We signed up for an ATV excursion, a thrilling ride through the rugged terrain. One moment I was following the guide, the next, the world dissolved into a dizzying blur.
I woke up in a hospital bed, my body a tapestry of aches and confusion. Apparently, I had taken a wrong turn, a sharp right instead of a gentle left, and driven straight off a cliff.
My husband, the sole witness, watched in horror as I disappeared into the dense undergrowth. Rescuers struggled to find me, buried in the forest floor’s soft silt. Airlifted to the hospital, strapped to a board, I was a jigsaw puzzle of broken bones and a concussion that stole my memory of the event.
That accident became a twisted mirror, reflecting a subconscious desire for self-destruction. Why had I driven off that cliff? Was it an accident or a desperate cry for help? Years of therapy followed, a quest to understand the forces that drove me to the edge.
Fast forward to the present. I’m immersed in an intense personal development program Master Key Experience (MKE), pushing myself towards a long-held dream. But as I near the summit, a familiar unease creeps in.
Old habits resurface – addictive eating, a binge on Snickers ice cream bars in my car. Stress finds its outlet in junk food, a self-sabotaging pattern as old as my marriage.
Then, the ultimate wake-up call. During a Zoom call, my vision blurs. A terrifying eye bleed, a consequence, I suspect, of my stress-induced unhealthy eating. Suddenly, my dream of relocating on January 2nd hangs in the balance. Will this be another derailment, another plunge off the cliff’s edge?
No. This time, I choose a different path. This time, I fight. I commit to healing, to positive thoughts, to nourishing my body and mind. I will not let self-sabotage steal my victory.
I will not let the past dictate my future. I will overcome this, achieve my goals, and finally build a life of my own design.
Onward!
WoW! Reading your blog and about your past and now understanding how the subconscious makes decision or we react unconsciously now makes sense when I read your blog. I am grateful for your sharing to understand how I too made choices that were not always best for me but were familiar patterns that I now choose not to repeat. Through sharing, we can understand ourselves better. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story.
Great grit. Catch your dream!