This has been a really tough week for me.
In the webinar we stood still at forgiveness.
Now this is something I have been struggling with for years.
Many years!

I know that we should forgive as we are forgiven.
I know that we are all imperfect and that we are all work in progress.
I know that we all make mistakes and that we all hurt one another.
I know that hurt people hurt people.

But sometimes it is as if there are people in our lives that hurt us intentionally.
The pain they inflict comes from their own pain, but it feels like they intentionally direct that pain towards others.
Like they want to make others pay for their own pain.
Like they make a punching bag of others.

I know the obvious thing to do is to set boundaries and to distance yourself from people like that.
But what do you do when it is someone you cannot really distance yourself from?
What if it is someone who is a part of your life that you unfortunately cannot just cut out of your life?
What if it is someone you know really well, and you know that there is a good side to them too?

What if you know and understand their pain and brokenness, but unfortunately they don’t face it and deal with it, and then sometimes it overshadows the good in them?
What if you really care about the person and want to see them heal from their pain?
See there is this person in my life that I deeply care for, actually really love.
She has a heart of gold, but it is covered with so much pain that she hides it away to protect herself.

Since I’ve known her she has made me her punching bag.
I really want to forgive her, but it is really difficult to forget all the intentional pain she has caused.
The sad part is that she hurts herself so much in the process too.
And she unfortunately allows other to use and hurt her too.

I know the best would be to walk away and wish her well, but like I say she is part of my life and I love her and want to see her heal and be the best that she can be.
To live her golden life without the pain.
I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place!