Personal growth is good for relationships and is one of our highest values. There are so many wonderful benefits from becoming our best selves but sometimes growth changes our love relationships.

It’s good to be aware of this so we can learn to grow and deepen our love life at the same time. This is the best of both worlds. Here are 5 suggestions you might enjoy.

First, relationships are vital to human beings and there is always a spiritual aspect involved. It’s fun to live in a cave – solitude, isolation and quiet.

Cave living is easy because you only have yourself to bump into on those quiet nights and active days, but I must tell you: my greatest growth has always occurred in the midst of relationships.

I count relationships as one of the best spiritual tools I know for growth and development – I know nothing that can replace them in the spiritual journey. They challenge and help us to see ourselves through the mirror of someone’s else eyes.

Each relationship comes with a lesson. In every intimate relationship, the soul is invited to advance and expand.

Second, love does not require everything to be perfect. That’s why the Bible says, “love is patient” – that means occasionally you must get “rubbed” the wrong way.

If you are watching a beautiful sunset have you ever called out to heaven and said, “hey – could we have little more red over there and maybe a little less purple in the background please?” Never.

We enjoy the sunset for what it is. We would do well to do the same thing with people. On a monastery wall, this statement was found, “love is found by those who can live with human nature as it is.” Ah – that tells the whole story of love. Love ‘What Is.’

That great theologian, Paul Newman said the following: “I don’t think it’s right to be impatient with each other. We are all flawed in some way – what you have to do is love each other enough – not to take the flaws out of context.”

That’s good advice – if your expectations are sky high – then it’s likely that you and your partner will be miserable. So – relax and realize you’re not on the planet to fix your partner – no remodeling – acceptance is the key – there’s no need for perfection. You will find what you look for – look for the good.

Third, it is essential that you continue to discover each other. As a minister you’d expect me to quote a scripture – it’s I Peter 3:7, “consider your partner.” In the original language the word “consider” is interesting – it means: to give attention to, to focus, to investigate, to discover. So there you have it: give your attention to your partner and continue to discover them.

In the Greek language, the tense is Aorist and means – continue, never stop, keep on keeping on – discovering your partner. Every person wants to be understood by another person like that. There is absolutely no way that you can know your partner fully unless you continue to have this type of consideration. Be fascinated with your love – their thoughts and dreams.

See the endless and everlasting divinity and goodness within them. That takes what someone called RCP – Relationship Contact Points. Your RCPs can be strengthening and non-strengthening.

Non-strengthening would include watching tv, attending a concert, and going to the movies. The best RCP’s include dancing, talking, eating, hiking and such. Face-to-face activities.

Be fascinated by the one you love – there’s always something new to discover. A shaman told me once, “love means to be happy with.” That means love is our choice.

Choose to know your partner.

Fourth, make the most of it now. Love can only be found in the present moment. Someone suggested that we actively love our significant one three times a day for at least three minutes. You’re asking what you might do during those three minutes?

I’ll suggest three things:

1. Give attention. That means you’re not busy doing or thinking about something else. Look into their eyes and tell them the truth, “There is nothing more important to me than this moment with you. My mind and heart are full of nothing but you. I love you.”

2. Give affection. Affection includes touching, holding, and being physically close. Affection heals and connects people.

3. Give appreciation. I’m talking about expressing your appreciation verbally. We sometimes tell our small children, “Use your words” – I’m suggesting to you: Use Your Words – express your appreciation verbally. Three times every day – take three minutes and give the 3 A’s. A small thing? Yes – but it has changed the lives of thousands of people.

Fifth, enjoy the romance. Alan Alda commented that “love is like a wave in the ocean – they flow in and then flow out – I have found that romance flows into our lives and then flows out – it always comes back – sweeter than the time before. You just have to learn to wait.” Romance is for lovers, of course.

For adventurers. Wanderers, pilgrims and explorers. Romance for heroes and heroines and all who have ever been willing to dive headlong into the ecstasy of passion. Romance is for the sensuous, the eager, the dreamer.

A friend of mine said, “romance is a dancer. She’s always moving. No couch-potato-video-game lounge-lizard. You’ll never find her glued to any tube, no matter how super the bowl. She is a mover, sprinner, a whirler and a twirler.”

Romance is a daily thing – not something you put in a doggy bag to enjoy later. It’s mystery enchants and heals us. Love has courage because it refuses to feel at home in an environment of fear.

In authentic love, we are finally seen and known for who we are – all the scars are known and understood – the armor plating melts and there are no more masks. In love we proclaim, “in my presence you are safe to speak, knowing that your words will be received and honored with grace.

I will forever affirm your most daring dreams and thoughts about yourself.” Love speaks the words: “I do not wish to limit you. I will support your wishes. I have no desire for you to be less than yourself. I realize that you will continue to grow and change. I support and encourage all that you wish to pursue.”

Once you step into the world of romance, the impossible becomes possible. Love becomes more than an idea.

Romance is spirit: it requires no dogma or doctrine. It connects. It lifts. Romance is a fire linked to love… maybe to life itself. Love dances. Keep your feelers out and your feet ready. I have more to say but I have to go, I’ve got some assignments to do on my growth project with MKE. I know in an hour or so, I’ll hear music playing in the living room – “may I have this dance?”

Grow and Love my friends.