Why do I resist change when I know change is what I need? I mean, that’s why I’m here…right? The funny thing, it’s not the work I find hard. I’m a slow and distracted reader, and there is a lot of reading, but that’s not so hard.

I struggle to concentrate, but I am excited to hone that skill. The organization of all the things we are prescribed to do, keeping track of all the elements of the process, I find that a great challenge, but I promise to rise to it.

Even the stuff that makes my skin crawl (old programming, I know) like posting on Marco Polo or writing this blog, or in fact having any public presence online whatsoever (I don’t subscribe to any social media), isn’t the real challenge. I mean, I really don’t want to be the feature blog, I’m dominantly blue and I don’t have a whole lot of yellow, but I will still give it my best effort.

Nope, none of that is the hard stuff. That’s all just about having some tenacity, some perseverance, some will power to do the work. I have that in spades. Momma didn’t raise no quitter! (perhaps that’s all the red in me).

The hard stuff is the slow trickling of awareness of all of the thought patterns, behaviors, attitudes that I have held, that I still hold. That seems to be the sheer face of the mountain I need to climb.

As Haanel said, life is an unfoldment, not an accretion (Lesson 16). How my life has unfolded has led me to the bottom of this sheer face. That’s the path I chose by every step I took along the way. Now I look back on my last 4 years of mindset, habits and focus – It’s hard not to be a little cheesed at yourself for that.

It’s not to say I haven’t walked easier roads – I have. I can think back to the times in my life when everything was falling in place, and I can now keenly see how at that time my inner environment reflected my outer environment then too. So how did I let my inner environment become so polluted? So jaded. How did I allow the world around me to influence me so profoundly? How the heck am I going to come back from all that!

One step at a time.

I am faced with a choice: resist. Stay comfortable being uncomfortable in order to avoid doing something uncomfortable to achieve a more comfortable life. Nope, resistance is futile!

I think the Master Key Experience is a step in the right direction. Step 2: Forgive yourself. Step 3: Start fresh – what would the person I want to be do next? Step 4: Do it now!