Over the past 15 years my world has narrowed to a role of service. As a working mother I have dropped nearly all my previous habits, dreams and hobbies to laser focus on the needs of my children and service to my career.
Having children was transformative in my life and so much of it has been a truly rewarding experience. Mark said something on the call this week that really reached something inside myself that I have been grappling with for a while though.
He said almost all women choose their PPN’s to be helping others and spiritual growth. This would have been my default answer because… well.. that is what I do. I grow children and I pray to God that those kids will be safe and that I will be able to keep it together enough to be there for them. I realized though that my kids are now teenagers and very soon they will have a life of their own.
I have seen many mothers go through this stage firsthand and many feel very lost. I admit I too will feel lost. Even now some days now my kids are busy with other things and no longer want or need me like they did when they were small.. and I feel.. lost and even a bit broken. It forces me to come face to face with the fact that some day in the not-too-distant future my relationship with my kids may be reduced down to a daily… or even weekly call.
After all as much as my own parents encouraged me to visit and call I often struggled to find time to fit them into my schedule. It feels sad and lonely. But then I think of all the nights I missed sleep and all the outings with friends that I turned down. I think of the things I wanted to pursue that seemed impossible like writing a book or taking up a hobby that I could do in more than the 5 minutes between the words “mom”.
I think it may be time to start exploring some of those creative pursuits and ambitions now, so that in the next few years as my teens become adults I do not find myself lost but instead find something I can look forward too. Some time for me.
So, I chose my PPN’s accordingly because after helping and serving small people in the most dedicated and loving spirit I now find that I want to do something creative and focus on rebuilding my health. And guess what, that is exactly what I see reflected in the DMP I wrote last week. So armed with my blue print builder and my daily habits of focusing on the person I wish to
Truly, the parenting is such a blessing and kids are gifts from God. Also parenting is for a season and they fly off to live their own lives. I am so glad that you get to start planning for your own life to let your best self shine through. Living your life to the best is also best gift to your children. Enjoy the journey!
So true!! My mom used to say it’s the toughest job you will ever lose… and she was right. It’s so hard to watch them grow up and I get emotional sometimes about the times when they were babies and how I miss so many things but I really am enjoying watching them form opinions of their own and bring conversation to me about things we could never have discussed in their younger years because they didn’t have the depth to hold a conversation. Having kids is such a transformation and whole hearted process. You really get to feel a full spectrum of emotions.
Yes! They will benefit from seeing you try things and delve into your creative side. I am proud of you for that!
That is really cool. I am so happy she gets to experience this with you and see you invest in yourself.
I think you just spoke to all the women here in the universe. You are a voice that needs to be heard loud and clear. So glad you are here. I look forward to reading more and how you are uncovering the other wonderful gifts that you have.
I can relate to this post and have been posting the questions what do I like to do? I have 3 children 2 have taken wing and the one that remains I just want to enjoy her as long as I can. but it’s also time to rediscover myself. I’m kinda excited she gets to see that.
Amazing reflections, story many mums will relate to. my kids are 10 and 8 . I figure they will benefit the most from a mum that is expressing her life creatively , we are in the season of new beginings
Good for you, April. That’s the problem with being a parent. If you did your job well, you have raised independent adults. Now it’s your time!